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Hike It, Baby

May 13, 2017February 10, 2018
by Ashley Gossens

The outdoors is a refuge for many, including my fellow mamas. There is something about the fresh air and movement that has a calming effect on little ones and on us, for that matter. I discovered an organization called Hike It Baby that puts together meetup hikes for families all over the world. I wanted to give it a try and see what I could learn from others about hiking with my baby and maybe make some new friends. They also happened to be starting the Hike It Baby 30 challenge which is to hike 30 miles in the month of April. So I signed up.

My first Hike It Baby hike was at the Redmond Watershed Preserve. I had never been there, but it seemed like a mellow place to start and the website said it was even stroller friendly. I was really hesitant to use the stroller on the trail, it just didn’t seem like a good idea to me, but I assumed the trail would be nice and flat and the other moms were using their strollers so I just assumed it would be fine.

The five of us with our kiddos hit the trail and got to know each other a bit. All the other moms had worked in the tech industry before they had kids and we talked a lot about work-life balance and how it is a bit of a myth. One mama said she had to get a doctor’s note to reduce her hours to 40 hours a week instead of her standard 60 when she was pregnant. Not surprisingly, she never returned to her job. Another emigrated to the US from India while she was pregnant with her second and had to adjust to a completely new country and culture. These mamas were no slouches.

Then something happened. One of the moms had two 4 year old boys in a double stroller. One was out of the stroller and walking ahead, the other was strapped in. As we were coming down a hill, she stopped to take a break when the stroller got away from her. It flew down the hill right into the other kid, knocking him over and then went over an embankment and flipped over and landed about 10 feet down a ravine. I stopped and made sure my own baby was secured on the hill before climbing down to get the boy in the stroller. I flipped him over and unstrapped him and checked him over for any injuries. To my astonishment, he had only a small scrape on his head. The other boy was fine too, just a bit shaken up. Their mom was visibly shaken up, understandably. But we got them everyone calmed and went on our way.

We continued in silence for while and I held onto my stroller with white knuckles. I learned some really important lessons that day. The first was to listen to my intuition. I was uncomfortable using a stroller on the trail but in my sleep deprived state I didn’t really think about what the dangers could be and allowed myself to follow along with the crowd. I didn’t do my research to find out more about the terrain of the trail before going out and I didn’t even bring my usually daypack with a first aid kit. I suddenly felt incredibly ill prepared and like a terrible parent. I vowed to never ever take a stroller on a hike again and to not let my guard down just because I’m hiking in a group.

I ventured out again with Hike It Baby in April, this time to Wallace Falls for a “carrier only” hike. There were again five of us and our kiddos. One had two kids, ages 1 and 2 strapped in tandem, one on the front and one on the back. She had to be carrying at least 60 pounds in awkward child weight and I thought for sure she wouldn’t make it to the falls. But she did, and I learned that she was an ex-marine who spent months at a time road tripping all over the country with her kids when they were infants and camped and hiked every day. Another mama in the group talked about how Hike It Baby saved her life as her husband left her shortly after she had their first baby and she had to work two jobs, one as a nurse with nighttime hours, to make ends meet. I asked her when she had time to sleep, she said she didn’t really. She carried her now 2 year old boy on her back and his favorite thing to do was giggle to make others start giggling too. Another of the moms with her 5 month old boy talked about how Hike It Baby saved her too as she was battling with postpartum depression. She was going for “no zero days” during the month long challenge and would end up hiking every day (during the rainiest April ever recorded) and racking up 60 miles with her two kids.

These mamas, with applesauce in their hair and trail mix raining from the children on their backs, are amazing and inspired the crap out of me. They are incredibly strong both physically and mentally and I felt honored to be part of their little posse for a day and to learn from them. It is not easy being an adventurous mom. It takes a lot of planning, patience and courage, but those kids were having the time of their lives. On the way down the trail, one of the 2 year old boys passed out on his mama’s back with a half of a PB&J in each hand and peanut butter smeared on his face and I thought, it didn’t get much better than that.

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Book Club

For the Time Being

April 25, 2017July 30, 2018
by Ashley Gossens

“Live. For Now. For the time being.”

Time. It seems to be both elusive and abundant these days. Hours pass by like minutes as I play with Evie. We babble back and forth and I endlessly dance and sing and make silly faces just to make her laugh. When she cries, time slows and it feels like hours before she calms. The nights go on for days as I wake every few hours to feed her. When she falls asleep on me I cling to every nanosecond.

When Laura chose A Tale for the Time Being for April’s book club pick, I was excited to revisit one of my all-time favorite books. The timing was perfect. I was ready to jump back into the club and get out for a hike with my book club friends. We headed to Goose Rock at Deception Pass. It was a rare sunny day in this epic winter / spring of rain. Our spirits were high as we climbed and crossed under the famous bridge.

We continued through the forest sprinkled with the rusty brown of Madrone trees and took a detour out onto the open meadows to see what flowers we would find. There weren’t as many as there would normally be this time of year, but we did find some red paintbrush, spring gold, a few camas, and a checker lily. My favorite part of the meadows, though, is the glow of the sage-colored reindeer lichen.

The trail dips a bit and then climbs to our destination, Goose Rock. We had the rock all to ourselves and we made ourselves at home as we spread out and chatted about the book. Laura thoughtfully brought a thermos of genmaicha, a lovely Japanese rice tea to go along with the theme of the book, and some delicious chocolate chip cookies. I was in heaven as I enjoyed these treats. Evie was content and enjoying her dose of Vitamin D and we lingered for a while. We discussed our theories about the book and read some of our favorite quotes. We all enjoyed the character Jiko, the main character’s zen Buddhist grandmother who talked of “supapowas!” and offers prayers of gratitude to the toilet: “As I go for a dump / I pray with all beings / That we can remove all filth and destroy / The poisons of greed, anger and foolishness.”

The “supapowa!” Jiko was trying to instill in her granddaughter was the ability to be in the now, to wake up to her life in the present moment and to stop living in the past. As we sat on the Rock and looked out to the Puget Sound with the sun shining on us, I did my very best to be as present as possible in that happy moment. In a time where it is so easy to escape the present by spending time on our phones and devises, I am determined to be a Time Being, in the here and now. As a mother, I hope to ever stride toward harnessing this supapowa! and passing it on to Evie.

When you beat a drum, you create NOW, when silence becomes a sound so enormous and alive it feels like you’re breathing in the clouds and the sky, and your heart is the rain and the thunder.

I am very aware of the privilege I have that allows me to spend time with my baby in the outdoors and I am eternally grateful for all of it. I must remember gratitude. Thank you book club friends, thank you Goose Rock. Thank you tea and chocolate chip cookie. Thank you book, thank you Ruth Ozeki. Thank you trail and those who built this trail. Thank you tree and flower and Baby Bjorn carrier and car and roads and…

A Tale For the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki

Book Ends

Read this interview with the amazing Ruth Ozeki
Watch this fascinating documentary about Origami and its relationship to nature

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Outdoor Life

A Rainy River Family Hike

March 28, 2017July 30, 2018
by Ashley Gossens

This weekend we finally got out for our first family hike. The weather looked somewhat promising so we jumped at the chance to get out on the trails. We headed to the Middle Fork Snoqualmie River for a low key meander through some beautiful forest.

The trail begins by crossing the raging river on one of the coolest wilderness bridges I’ve ever seen. The suspension bridge was built in the 1990’s and before then it was a dangerous ford across the river any time of year. After lingering on the bridge we headed left along the turquoise river.

The trail soon climbs away from the river to higher ground with views of Garfield Mountain in the distance. Fresh snow dusted the top and clouds gathered around the cliffs giving it a majestic appearance.

Moss carpeted the ground as we continued through second growth forest and past the shear wall of Stegosaurus Butte looming hundreds of feet above. Later the trail widens as it crosses many creek outlets on an old railroad bed. The route was once used to transport logs and you can even see some old rusted track along the trail.

Until this point it had been a mix of sun and clouds, but as we got about 3 miles in, it started to rain on us. We pulled out the little rain fly on the baby’s ergo carrier and found a place to sit and eat lunch. Evie got her first wilderness diaper change and nursing. I felt a bit like a wild animal while I nursed her on a rock covered in moss while the rain fell around us.

The rain wasn’t letting up so we headed back. We spotted what we thought was a dark colored deer and later when looking at the trailhead board, saw that elk lived in this area. We thought maybe it was a juvenile or female elk. This was a treat as we seem to rarely see wildlife on the trails.

As we packed Evie back up into the car, we decided that she is a true Northwest baby. She didn’t so much as fuss the entire time and the rain didn’t seem to bother her a bit. She babbled away in the car seat as we headed back home which is a new (and very fun) phase. I talked back and listed all the things we saw today: trees, river, rocks, bridge, ferns, moss, lichen, doggies, babies. How many trees do you think we saw? How many rocks? How many ferns… and on and on all the way home.

Hikes Featured in this Post:
Middle Fork Snoqualmie River

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Outdoor Life

Evie’s First Hike

March 21, 2017September 24, 2019
by Ashley Gossens

Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been thinking about baby’s first hike. Of all the firsts that she will have in this life, I was most excited for this one. I wanted it to be special, but as three months passed with never ending rain and as the realities of parenthood setting in, I realized we would just have to go out and do it.

Drink in the beauty and wonder at the meaning of what you see.

So we did it. I packed her up and off we went on a beautiful Sunday afternoon to Twin Falls. This easy, often crowded, short hike was one of the first hikes my husband and I did in Seattle and I’ve been there many times since. Usually the crowds would keep me away on a sunny weekend but it didn’t bother me now. Evie and I were in our own little bliss bubble and I was actually quite happy to see a great diversity of hikers and lots and lots of families on the trail.

We headed down the trail and I took it all in with new eyes. Not only was it Evie’s first hike, but it was also my first hike in a long time. I took a deep breath and soaked it up. Evie was awake and alert and doing what she loves to do in her ergo carrier- push her head back as far as she can so she can look at everything. She is the most curious baby and loves looking at new things.

I think about what it must look like to her, it is all just a blur of sky and shapes? Does she know that what she hears is a river rushing by? Will she recognize the smell of mud and skunk cabbage next time? There is something magical in knowing that this is the first time she has really looked at an old growth cedar and a sword fern and a waterfall.

There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature- the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after the winter.

I want to point out everything to her and tell her the names of the plants and trees. But as Rachel Carson writes in The Sense of Wonder, we should give up the impulse to teach and explain and let our children explore with feelings and emotions. This will be a challenge for me, I want to teach her everything I know as soon as possible! But I must remember to allow her to discover things on her own.

It is not half so important to know as to feel.

So instead I make up a song to sing on the way down the trail as I see her eyes getting drowsy. ‘What goes up, must come down. Down, down, down. Down, down, down. What goes up, must come down, down to the river.’

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.

The Sense of Wonder by Rachel Carson

The legendary environmentalist Rachel Carson wrote this essay in 1956 about spending time on the coast of Maine with her nephew. Her lessons hold up decades later as she gives advice on how to introduce children to nature and spark a sense of wonder. She says that we should rediscover our own sense of wonder and help them discover the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. The edition we have that was gifted to us is a beautiful hardback full of lovely photographs to accompany Carson’s lyrical words.

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Outdoor Life

New Year, New Life

March 8, 2017July 30, 2018
by Ashley Gossens

Hello, world! I am here. I exist, I’m alive and I thrive! I’ve emerged like a mama bear from hibernation with her baby cub. Yep, I’m back! And, I dare say, better than ever!

I know what you’re thinking- wow, she’s hopped up on sleep deprivation and postpartum hormones and gone a little cray cray. And you might be a little correct. I don’t feel like I heard this enough before, but you guys, having a baby is the best. It is certainly not easy but I have a newfound joy and sense of purpose: my baby girl, Evie. Now that she’s almost three months old I’m coming up for air and taking some time to reflect on my journey through pregnancy, birth, and newborn baby land and wanted to share some thoughts.

Pregnancy is the worst.

Recently, my cousin, who was in her first trimester, mentioned that someone told her that she should be enjoying her pregnancy and she felt bad because she wasn’t enjoying it at all. I told her this was nonsense. There is nothing enjoyable about being pregnant. It’s uncomfortable, nauseating and downright terrifying. I had three scares in late pregnancy. The first was when I tripped and fell on the sidewalk while walking to work at 30 weeks. Yep, not proud of it. That put me in the hospital overnight and after that I had nearly constant painful contractions until birth. The baby was fine, but we were convinced she would come early. She didn’t. The second scare was during my weekly OB appointment. I’ll spare you the gory details, but it involved my doctor repeating the words “this has never happened before” (words you never ever want to hear from your doctor) and sending me straight to the hospital. Needless to say, everything was fine. The third surprise was at the appointment one day before my due date. My blood pressure had suddenly skyrocketed and my doctor wanted to induce right away.

Not everything goes according to plan.

In birth prep class, the instructor tells you to close your eyes and imagine your ideal birth. I imagined myself on a gorgeous mountainside, my husband massaging my shoulders for a couple hours until the baby beautifully and effortlessly made her way into the world. No meds, no interventions, just a beautiful natural birth. But I knew better than to think it would be easy and I knew that birth plans were regularly tossed aside as reality entered the picture, but I was really hoping for a natural birth. What I ended up with was anything but.

To make a very long story short, I went in to be induced on Friday night, December 16th, and didn’t have Evie until early Monday morning. I labored 10 hours without pain relief while on Pitocin until I decided to get an epidural to prevent swelling from pushing too early. It was sweet sweet relief, however, the epidural only really worked on one side of my body and I could still feel a lot of pain. After many more hours I was stuck at 9 cm and baby was sunny side up and a little twisted. After more waiting and a few issues with the baby’s heart rate, the doctors recommended that I have a c-section. At this point I had barely slept or eaten in days and I had never been so exhausted in my life. I was disappointed that after all that work they would just end up cutting her out. At the same time, though, I knew that we had tried everything possible to get her out and it just wasn’t going to happen and now she was showing signs of distress. I was ready for it to all be over and to meet my healthy baby girl. Not long after heading to the OR, I heard her little cry and they brought her to me. I thought how strange she looked. She was completely red and wailing and didn’t look like anyone I had ever seen before. I wasn’t sure what to do with her or how to make her stop crying. But then I noticed she was blowing little bubbles out of her mouth, something I had sworn I felt her doing in my belly, and I knew she was mine.

Having a difficult birth ending in a C-section can be meaningful and even a little magical.
They say that sometimes women make up their own coping mechanisms on the spot during labor and mine was the dolphin kick. During contractions I would lay on my side, cling to the bed railing and swing my legs forward and backward on top of the bed like I was a dolphin swimming underwater. I said to my husband, “I don’t know where this dolphin kick thing is coming from, but it’s working!” After Evie was born she made the most delightful squeaks and squeals that sounded just like little dolphin noises.

I can be proud of my birth story even though it ended with a C-section
I had nurses tell me that they’ve never seen anyone labor so long on Pitocin without pain meds. I must admit that this makes me a little proud although I am absolutely 100% sure I could never do that again. And I’m also very sure that many many women have endured much worse. The thing I am most proud of, though, is when my doula told me that I didn’t complain about anything the entire time. The birth may not have been ideal or according to plan, but I was okay with it because I maintained my composure and made educated and mindful decisions. This I am proud of and I am not ashamed to have a C-section baby.

Sometimes the drive home from the hospital is more painful than the drive to the hospital.
I learned very quickly that recovery was going to be long and difficult. This was the thing that I was not prepared for. And the hormones, oh the hormones! When Evie was 2 weeks old my husband had to go to Juneau to work for a week. Until then I thought we had everything under control with the baby and that I could handle it. My mother-in-law flew out from the east coast to help while he was gone. I was pretty miserable but doing ok until we found that one of our pet chickens was sick. A quick google search of the symptoms told me that the prognosis was not going to be good and that we’d most likely have to put old Foghorn down. I didn’t know what to do and it would be several days before my husband would be back to help. I called the bird vet and they said to bring her in right away. I knew I wasn’t going to come home with the chicken. Now, I can’t say that I was ever particularly close to this chicken but packing up my 2 week old baby in the car and our sick chicken to take it to its inevitable death was much more than I could handle. By the time I got to the vet I was sobbing. The people working there must have thought I was crazy and really attached to this little hen. I wasn’t really. There was just something about life and death happening in such a short period of time that was really overwhelming. Life and death, man. Ugh.

Time flies and slows down at the same time.
I remember shortly after having Evie that a friend told me life with baby gets easier around 2 months. This felt like a lifetime away to me at that point, but alas it came and went, and here we are at 11 weeks. It feels like time went by so quickly, but then when I think back to those first few weeks, it feels like a lifetime ago. Evie is already growing out of things that I didn’t think possible. She’s cooing and smiling and noticing things. She’s even reading books! Ok, we are reading them to her, but she actually looks at the books! I feel as though I will blink and she’ll be a teenager. I’m determined to enjoy every single minute.

The Blue Jay’s Dance by Louise Erdrich

The prolific and brilliant author, Louise Erdrich, graces us with her memoir and meditations on pregnancy, birth, and becoming new mother. I am reading this in short bursts as I get time, usually one-handed while I’m nursing. The short vignettes that follow a theme of the seasons are perfect for savoring over time. It is quiet, honest, heartfelt, and brings a smile of recognition to my face every time I open it.

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